


Forget-Me-Nots

by malevolentmango



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Necromancy, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 00:13:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13329405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malevolentmango/pseuds/malevolentmango
Summary: Taako stares out the large bay window vacantly, like he does every morning. Kravitz arranges the tray over his lap, and like clockwork, Taako turns to look at him, startled at the presence of another person in the room.“What are you doing here?” he asks suspiciously. And then, with a smirk, “Are you here to take me away, handsome?”“Not today, Taako.”





	Forget-Me-Nots

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on tumblr [here](http://malevolentmango.tumblr.com/post/169368735388/mmmmmm-sometimes-i-wish-you-died-taakitz) and [here](http://malevolentmango.tumblr.com/post/169520222353/everyone-in-the-taz-fic-discord-yelled-at-me-about), based on the prompts "Sometimes, I wish you died" and "I haven't forgot you yet."

Kravitz wakes up at exactly 6am, the same time he does every day. He doesn’t technically need to sleep, but it helps. 

 

It’s a way to pass the time that he would otherwise spend brooding.

 

He goes to the kitchen and starts with the tea, setting the kettle on the back burner before turning his attention to breakfast. He makes the same thing every morning: eggs, scrambled; toast, with butter and strawberry jam; and three slices of bacon. It’s a simple meal, but it’s what he can manage. He feels bad about it, occasionally - thinks that he could do better, that he  _ should _ do better, that he should try harder. But it took him so long to get the hang of not burning the eggs or the bacon that, in the meantime, he just sort of gave up.

 

It’s easier to give up on smaller things like that. It feels like a concession to himself, because giving up on the big thing? Well, that’s just impossible.

 

The teas, though, those are different. He has them on a rotation: lavender, gingko, gotu kola, St. John’s Wort. Today is a lavender day, and so he plucks a bag from the appropriate box and puts it in a teacup. He used to wait for the water to boil before starting on the food, but he’s better at it now - he can multitask. Kravitz pours the water into the cup carefully and lets it steep while the eggs cook.

 

They’re supposed to help, everyone says. Help him stabilize, help him thrive again. Kravitz tries not to think it’s all a load of bullshit.

 

When the breakfast tray is loaded up and steaming, he adds the final touch: a single forget-me-not from the garden that he keeps in the backyard, in a small plastic vase on the corner of the tray. 

 

It will sit there, unnoticed, until he takes the tray away. It always does.

 

He carries it into the master bedroom, where his clothes are no longer in the closet, and sets it on the bed where he no longer sleeps. And he says, “Good morning, Taako,” in the most calm voice he can muster, even though he no longer gets a response.

 

Taako stares out the large bay window vacantly, like he does every morning. Kravitz arranges the tray over his lap, and like clockwork, Taako turns to look at him, startled at the presence of another person in the room.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asks suspiciously. And then, with a smirk, “Are you here to take me away, handsome?”

 

“Not today, Taako.”

 

Taako’s eyes follow him for a moment as he moves around the room - dusting, gathering clothes, switching out the books on the nightstand that Taako never reads. But eventually, he starts eating.

 

“These aren’t half bad,” he says, pointing at the eggs with his fork. “Where’d you learn how to cook?”

 

_ From you, _ Kravitz thinks,  _ not that I ever learned enough. _

 

“From my partner,” Kravitz says. Taako groans, as if he just found out he didn’t win the lottery. 

 

“They’re lucky then. Catch like you? Hatchi matchi.”

 

Kravitz looks down at the ring on his finger - sapphire and gold, gleaming in the morning sun streaming in through the window.

 

“I was luckier.”

 

Taako doesn’t respond. He’s already forgotten that Kravitz is there.

 

It had been a slow thing, this sickness that stole Taako’s memory from him. According to Lup, he was never the same after what Lucretia did to him - a betrayal so absolute that it left him broken in ways that couldn’t be repaired. But he was fine, for a while. For years, even, with very little indication that anything was wrong at all. There were clues, Kravitz supposes, if he’d bothered to look for them, little hints of forgetfulness. But they were so happy, for so long. Decades of a life that Kravitz had never expected to have, with Taako at his side.

 

It was the deaths that did it, he thinks, after all. Magnus was a severe blow, but they lost Carey and Killian in the years that followed, and so many more - Bureau members, one by one, until the only one who remained was Lucretia. Taako never said goodbye to her, but Kravitz thinks he wishes he did, after. 

 

They never talked about it. And then, they couldn’t.

 

It’s like his friends were the things that anchored him to this world, and with every cord that was cut away, a bit of his memory went with them, until he had nothing left. 

 

Merle was the final straw.

 

But before that, there was hope.

 

Kravitz remembers, with a feeling that he refuses to label bitterness, a time before Taako left completely. He remembers Taako waving off his concerns, his suggestions to see a healer,  _ anyone _ who might be able to help. “It’s fine, Krav,” he’d said, pulling Kravitz into his arms with a smile, the kind he always wore just for his husband. “Who needs useless information like names and dates anyway? People say math is important, but I haven’t used that in like four centuries.” Taako had kissed him, then, slow and searching and with just the right amount of heat behind it. “And besides, I haven’t forgot you yet.”

 

Here, now, in the bedroom he no longer shares where his belongings no longer reside, he watches Taako fall asleep with a painful clench in his chest. He always has a nap after breakfast, even though he never used to sleep very much at all. Kravitz thinks that might be the only thing, they share anymore: a desire to sleep to pass the dreary hours of living.

 

Kravitz goes to pick up the tray and take it back to the kitchen, but his hands are shaking enough to rattle the cutlery, so he has to wait. Some days are harder than others. He watches the shallow rise and fall of Taako’s chest, and the flutter of his eyelashes across his cheeks, and the way his hand occasionally twitches at his side, as if his body remembers the objects of great power that he used to wield even if his mind doesn’t.

 

And he says, “Sometimes, I wish you died.”

 

He’s never said it out loud before, because it’s an awful thing to say. After spending so much of his life collecting bounties, he tries to make it a point not to wish death on anyone. But this? What Taako is? This isn’t living.

 

“It would be easier,” he says. Taako doesn’t even stir. “That’s a selfish thing to say, I suppose. I don’t think… I don’t think you’d mind, though. If you knew. You always knew the value of being selfish when it counted. And at least in the Astral Plane, you would remember. You would… you would be yourself again. You would remember--”

 

Kravitz chokes on the word “me.” After that, he has no more words at all.

 

He takes a breath, picks up the tray with steady hands, and leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Lup and Barry will stop by later tonight for dinner, like they do every night. But until then, all Kravitz can do is tend the garden, or perhaps read a book, to pass the time.

 

He becomes, out of necessity, very good at waiting.

 

~~~

 

There’s nothing special about the day that Barry changes his life. Nothing in the morning light shining in through the windows to indicate that today will be different from any other day in the last several years, as he watched Taako slip further and further away from him. 

 

It starts the same way it always does: 6am, eggs, bacon and toast, tea (it’s a gingko day), a forget-me-not. Taako is less talkative this morning; he accepts the tray without question before going back to staring vacantly out the window, as if Kravitz isn’t even there.

 

Kravitz accepts it, because that's the only choice he has. 

 

When he returns to the kitchen, Lup and Barry are sitting at the table in the breakfast nook. 

 

Before Kravitz can even ask what they're doing here so early, Lup says, “We figured out a way to help him, and you're not gonna like it.”

 

Barry’s tapping his foot against the floor incessantly, a nervous tic. He looks exhausted but determined. Lup simply looks blank. 

 

Kravitz pulls out another chair at the table and sits, glancing back and forth between the two of them. There's no sound for a moment but the distant clinking of Taako's fork against the plate in the other room. Finally, Kravitz says, “I assume you know I would do anything for Taako.” Lup's face doesn't change. “Something very bad then, is it?” He gives Barry a long look. “Necromancy?”

 

Barry stops tapping. He nods, once. 

 

Kravitz takes a deep breath that he doesn't need - a habit he picked up from Taako decades ago. 

 

“Tell me.”

 

Finally, Lup smiles.

 

The process that Barry explains is complicated, highly dangerous, and most distressingly, not even guaranteed to work. He hasn't found any accounts of it being used for this specific purpose, but the science, he insists, all checks out. But it requires special components that they don't have, as well as the consent of the person being spelled - trying to cast it on Taako as he is would make completing it impossible.

 

“But we'll be ready the next time he's lucid,” Lup says, a fire in her eyes that Kravitz hasn't seen in a long time. “You don't have to make a decision until then, but you know what ours is.”

 

“My decision doesn't matter. Only Taako's does.”

 

Lup lays a hand on top of his where it rests on the table. “You’re my brother too,” she says with a small smile. “Which is why I get to tell you that that’s fucking bullshit.” Kravitz stares at her, startled. “If he thinks for even a second that you don’t approve of this, he’ll hesitate. And with a spell like this, hesitation is a death sentence.”

 

Four months pass before Taako finally has another day of lucidity, and Kravitz thinks of little else in all that time. He tries not to let himself hope. If it works, they’re straying perilously close to breaking the natural laws of the Raven Queen; if it doesn’t, Taako slips back into forgetfulness, and all of their planning will be for nothing. It’s the best solution they’ve ever had, and if they fail, they might not get another one. 

 

Kravitz isn’t sure he can handle more waiting after the possibility of having Taako back seems so close. And he knows he’s already lost the battle against hope. 

 

He’s just putting the kettle on the stove when he hears footsteps shuffling into the room behind him. He turns with a start to find Taako standing in the doorway, looking straight at him instead of away, and he knows. Today is the day.

 

He meets Taako halfway across the kitchen as Taako all but throws himself into Kravitz’s arms, and gods, he misses this so fiercely that it shocks him every time. Taako buries his face in Kravitz’s chest and his hands grip the back of Kravitz’s shirt, pulling the fabric taut. They don’t speak for a few long moments; they just bask in each other’s presence.

 

Then Taako’s stomach rumbles, and they both laugh. It sounds odd, almost, in a room that hears so little laughter anymore. But to Kravitz, it’s the best music he’s ever heard.

 

“Right,” Taako says, loosening his grip on Kravitz slightly. “No eggs and bacon today, I’m making us a real breakfast.” His voice is rough from disuse, but it’s so unmistakably  _ Taako _ in a way that Kravitz treasures, a way that he misses when he’s not really there.

 

Kravitz lingers in the kitchen while Taako makes a veritable buffet of breakfast food, more than they could possibly ever eat - he’ll do it for every meal today, Kravitz knows, just because he misses the feel of a spatula in his hand. Kravitz is far too close and definitely in Taako’s way, but he’s reluctant to leave and Taako doesn’t complain. He meets Kravitz for quick kisses between flipped pancakes, and while he stirs a pot of hollandaise, Kravitz tells him about the plan that Barry and Lup have come up with.

 

Taako listens without interjecting until Kravitz is done. He pulls a tray of biscuits out of the oven and mutters a spell over a basket of fruit that Lup had delivered earlier that week. Taako watches the fruit chop itself for a moment, then he turns to Kravitz and says, “This is how breakfast should be. Every day, not just a few days out of the year.”

 

“Perhaps in slightly smaller quantities.”

 

Taako chuckles. “Yeah, sure, that's a good point I guess. But you shouldn't have to--” His hands clench into fists on the counter on either side of the cutting board. Kravitz rubs a comforting hand down his back, and Taako leans into the touch. In a much smaller voice, he says, “Be honest, Krav. Aren't you tired of all this?”

 

Kravitz thinks of Lup's words. No hesitation. 

 

“I want to make it clear that loving you, taking care of you? That has never been a burden.” Taako's ears twitch upwards, and he meets Kravitz's eyes. Kravitz smiles. “But yes. I suppose I am… tired. I miss  _ you, _ Taako. I'll try anything to get you back, as long as you're comfortable with it.”

 

Taako pulls him into a kiss, sweet and persistent, dripping with longing and gratefulness and apologies and every other little thing that Taako's had trapped inside himself for so many years. When they part, there's a fire in Taako's eyes, not unlike his sister's, and Kravitz thinks that there was never really a choice for him. He knows better than anyone the danger of what they're playing with; he knows the Raven Queen will not like it, even if she chooses to look the other way. It's not a decision he would make lightly - but it's not really a decision at all. 

 

This is  _ Taako.  _ Nothing and no one in all the planar systems combined means more to Kravitz than him. 

 

“Barold’s never gonna listen to you again when you tell him necromancy is bad,” Taako says. 

 

“A small price to pay. He hasn't listened to me in centuries.”

 

Taako calls Lup while Kravitz sets the table, and soon enough the four of them are enjoying breakfast together like they haven't in years. Barry lays out the plan between bites, and reiterates the dangers in the matter-of-fact way he always does when he talks about a new experiment. Taako waves off his concerns, saying in a voice that's only half-joking that it's not like he can get any worse. The twins are inseparable during cleanup, washing and drying the dishes in perfect sync as Lup tells Taako about a bounty she hunted a few weeks ago who she quite literally caught with his pants down. Barry kindly doesn't comment on the way Kravitz pays no attention to him at all, his eyes going blurry with unshed tears as Taako's laughter fills the room. 

 

They don't waste any time after that. They decide the bedroom is probably the best place, and Taako lays in the center of his bed - their bed - with Barry and Lup on one side and Kravitz on the other. Barry pulls a small leather pouch from the pocket of his jeans, and from it he reveals a glittering blue sapphire. 

 

“It could've been any gemstone, but…” Barry shrugs, a little sheepishly. “I thought this one was appropriate.”

 

Lup grins and throws an arm around his shoulder in a brief hug. “You're going soft in your old age, Bear.”

 

Taako just stares at the gem in Barry's hand. “That's where my soul's going huh?” Barry holds it out to him, and Taako examines it from all angles, as if looking for any imperfections. “Probably not the worst place it's ever been.”

 

Lup snorts. Kravitz rolls his eyes. A little bit of the tension in the room dissipates. 

 

“You ready?” Barry says.

 

“Yeah--actually, one sec.” Taako turns to Kravitz. “Hey thug. Kiss me.”

 

Kravitz obliges, leaning over the bed to reach him. Taako puts a hand on the back of his neck and kisses him fiercely, like he wants to make it count in case it's the last one he gets. He's trembling, just slightly. But Kravitz knows he's sure about this. No one hates the state Taako's in as much as Taako does when he remembers all the time he's lost. 

 

Taako releases him, finally, and lays back against the pillows. He shares a long look with Lup, and Kravitz thinks there's a billion things being said between them that he and Barry will never hear. And then Taako says, “Hit it, nerd. And if you fuck this up, I'm kicking your ass in the Astral Plane.”

 

Barry smiles. “You can try, old friend.” 

 

He puts a hand on Taako's chest, over where the sapphire rests, and begins to chant. At first, nothing seems to happen. And then Taako goes rigid, paralyzed, his eyes rolling back in his head. Kravitz wants so badly to reach out, to comfort him, to stop Barry, he doesn't know. He wraps his arms around himself instead, his fingers leaving impressions in his upper arms; he can't interfere now. He has to believe this will work - he has to believe that Barry's right, that separating Taako's soul from his damaged brain will allow him to live normally again, even if “living” isn't quite the right word for it. Even if watching it happen makes the fear of losing Taako permanently suddenly seem very real.

 

Taako doesn't make a sound as his soul leaves his body, but it's obvious when the spell is complete. There's a bright flare of light from the gem beneath Barry's hand, and Taako's body relaxes completely. He doesn't move for a few long moments, during which Kravitz thinks he might not be the only one in the room who forgets how to breathe. 

 

Then he gasps and opens his eyes, looking around at them all in a daze. 

 

“Taako?” Kravitz says hesitantly.

 

Taako picks up the soul gem and examines it again. It looks different now, like the gemstone somehow holds more depth than it did before. It gleams like it's being held up to a light, even though the sunlight coming in through the windows isn't hitting the bed at all. 

 

Finally, Taako says, “Cha’boy’s not here right now. Pretty sure he's in this thing.” He grins up at Kravitz, relief in every inch of his face. “Weird, right?”

 

Lup barks out a laugh, and Barry sits back in his chair with a groan. Kravitz leans on the edge of the bed with one knee and sweeps Taako up in a hug, Taako grumbling all the while about being gentle with him because “this is technically a corpse now, watch the bruising, don't make Barold have to grow me a new one.”

 

They all spend the rest of the day together as Taako gets used to being technically-but-not dead. It doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest - in fact, he looks more alive than he has since Merle died. He makes dinner with Lup, the two of them dancing around each other in the kitchen, working together like they used to. He tells stories over dinner that Kravitz hasn't heard in years, one after another in no particular order, just because he can remember them now. He tells Kravitz that tomorrow he'll get the privilege of buying Taako the “most ridiculously expensive, natch” necklace at the finest shop in Neverwinter for him to put his soul gem in. Kravitz agrees easily - anything housing Taako's soul should be just as beautiful as he is. 

 

Neither of them comment on how it's the first time they've made plans for a tomorrow in decades. 

 

Later that night, as he holds Taako in his arms in their bed and tries not to think about what the morning will bring, he asks Taako how it feels. Taako doesn't respond immediately. He clings to Kravitz the way he used to after a particularly long day. 

 

“Better,” he says. “At least, it doesn't feel like I'm dead.”

 

Kravitz chuckles. “Now you know how I feel.”

 

“I guess I do.” Taako presses his face into Kravitz's neck, his slow breaths tickling against Kravitz's skin. He feels it when Taako smiles. “Everything's… clearer. Like the static is finally gone.”

 

Apparently having your soul ripped out of your body is exhausting, because Taako doesn't fight against sleep like he normally does at the end of his lucid days. He's out almost immediately, snoring softly, fitted up against Kravitz like that's where he belongs. 

 

Kravitz doesn't sleep. 

 

He waits, holding his own silent vigil, well past the time he would normally leave to avoid Taako having to wake up in bed with a man he doesn't remember. He tries not to let the doubts creep in, tries not to worry that the spell didn't fix anything at all, that they tore Taako's soul out for nothing and he still looks at Kravitz like a stranger…

 

Taako wakes up a little after 6am, blinking sleep out of his eyes. And then he looks at Kravitz, and smiles so wide that it threatens to consume his whole face, and he says, “Morning, Bones.”

 

Kravitz kisses him, every inch of his face, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, until Taako is laughing and calling him a sap, and that too is like music to him, this easy affection in Taako's voice. He ends at Taako's lips and doesn't stop kissing him until Taako's out of breath.

 

Kravitz's voice is thick with all the words he can't wait to say as he replies, “Good morning, Taako.”

**Author's Note:**

> The spell that Barry uses is an actual D&D spell called [Create Soul Gem](https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Create_Soul_Gem_\(5e_Spell\))!
> 
> Come chat with me about TAZ on [tumblr](http://malevolentmango.tumblr.com)!


End file.
